Louis and Lindsey, from time to time, bat around names for their upcoming baby.
Some favorite boy-names of mine that they have begun to seriously consider:
Eli
Archer
Solomon
Soren
Jar-Jar
But before they rush to name their soon-to-be offspring anything, they should consider the impact it might have on his/her criminal record.
Apparently, there is a direct correlation between "unpopular" names and criminal activity in adolescents.
Although, this shouldn't be a huge surprise. Father Walter Shandy has already introduced us all to the character-forming importance names carry. I was going to quote all of Chapter 19 of Volume 1 of Tristram Shandy here, in which Father Shandy expresses his views on the formative impact of names, but then I thought better of it, realizing it would take up precious "real estate" on my blog. Also, I'm fairly confident that no one would read it. Luckily, however, I found the chapter posted in full on this strange blog. Go read it.
After all, reading for pleasure is directly correlated to one's capacity for critical thought and one's capacity for hooking attractive women (don't believe me?).
Moral of the story:
Louis and Lindsey, read to your baby and don't name it E(a)rnest, Dmitri (why have I never seen The Brother's Karamazov starring Yul Brynner as Dmitri and William Shatner as Alyosha????), or Max.
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4 comments:
all of those links were really funny, esp the one to the picture of max. also, i would like to here publicly announce that eli and archer were my suggestions. yay!
The picture of Max was the best part. Dmitri is a really good name. It's an old Greek name. It's actually derived from the Greek goddess Demeter. You of all people should appreciate that. They could call him Mitya. Oooh or Dima, which is pretty much the standard for every Americanized Russian boy who wears really tight jeans, drives a BMW and wants to take you to a discotheque.
But if you were going to go Russian, I would suggest the greatest of all Russian male names and go with Nikolai. So. Bad. Ass.
what the hell is wrong with the name max?
um, I'm pretty sure my firstborn grandchild will not wear really tight jeans, drive a BMW or go to discotheques. He or she will, of course, be able to spell discotheque immediately upon arrival into our arms, whilst knitting amazingly intricate hats and quoting Plantinga.
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